Universal Alien Read online

  Lorraine pushed some buttons and new data appeared on the screen. I didn’t pay much attention to it. Now that I’d spotted him, I watched Malcolm. He was the only one who hadn’t really agreed with Martini. Not that I thought he disagreed. But I got the impression that he was hoping to learn something from me that would solve their biggest problem. I just had no idea of what that could be. Because he was also right—my family had been lying to me for years, and I’d bought it, so what the hell could I know that would help a different world?

  A flowchart appeared onscreen that brought my attention back. It showed the various levels of command in Centaurion Division. There were several versions of this, starting with the year prior to the one when my Cosmic Alternate had joined up. It was the most helpful of the data they’d been shoving at me, because I could see both her progression through the ranks and that of the others in the room. Based on what Richard was saying for these charts, my CA had been a major force in this group. Felt kind of proud. Sure, it wasn’t me doing it per se, but clearly I’d represented in this world.

  “Show her your Centaurion Files,” Crawford said to Charles when the hierarchy discussion was done. “She got the Sith reference, she’ll get those, too.”

  “I will, but I don’t have them loaded into Centaurion’s systems.” Charles patted my hand. “I know you’ll understand it, Kitty. I just think we need to do what Jeff said—focus on how to fix our political situation. You know the Prime Minister and his wife. What do you think we should do?”

  “Saying, ‘gosh, I’m so very sorry’ and giving someone a little present doesn’t work in this world?”

  “Kitty,” Amy said, voice sugar sweet, “I’m so very sorry for the other me. I’d love to take you to lunch and buy you a little present to make up for it. We back to being friends?”

  “Wow, you got that out without your voice dripping in sarcasm. I’m impressed. But, yeah, okay, it’s at that level? From one bad morning?”

  “Kitty flipped off the Prime Minister after insulting the game of cricket—the special game we’d arranged to show how much we love Australia, I might add—for hours, tossed hot coffee on him, and then Jeff dumped hot coffee on him and his wife,” James reiterated. “Seriously, this was a major screwup.”

  “So, I can’t like cricket while I’m here, right? Because that would be too much of a switch and everyone would think I’m faking it.”

  “Right,” Crawford said.

  “Katherine, I’d like you to think of a more personal fix,” Richard said. “You’re frankly the only person who knows what’s going on who also has the means to solve this problem in an honest fashion.”

  “In other words,” Charles said, “help us, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re our only hope.”

  “Okay, let me think.” Took a deep breath and tried to let my mind wander. But everyone was staring at me. “What?”

  “Ah, we’re used to you talking while you think,” Paul said. Nicely. But still.

  “What? Seriously?”

  “Yes,” Claudia confirmed. “All the time. Nonstop, really.”

  “I’ll be insulted for my Cosmic Alternate later. Look, I became a mother really fast and in my early twenties, and Charlie has the combined brainpower of me and Charles. He was comprehending everything at a very young age. Max is the same, and I have to figure that Jamie is as well, since her first words were late but in perfect, fully formed sentences that made sense. I’ve learned to keep whatever I’m thinking to myself.”

  “Think that will be a problem?” Crawford asked James.

  Who shrugged. “If it all goes well and we can figure out how to get her home safely and quickly, no.”

  “Guys, I’m in the room.”

  They both grinned at me. “Go ahead and think, Kitty,” James said. “We can handle the silence. I think.”

  “Ugh. Now I can’t think because you’re all staring at me. Look, I feel over-briefed and I can guarantee I’m not going to remember everything you’ve all info dumped onto me. My head still hurts, as does my back and neck. I realize your Kitty heals fast. I don’t. I’d love a couple of Advil and a chiropractor, and then to go somewhere sort of normal, relax for like five minutes, and then try to figure out how to save the world and all that crap.”

  Everyone looked contrite. They all also shot Martini looks that said he should have known this already and done something about it. “I have my blocks up. High,” he mumbled.

  “Oh my God, you’re all blaming Jeff for not knowing I was in pain? I told you all at the hospital that I’d been in a car accident. That no one chose to do the math is not my problem. Where’s that doctor guy, Tito? Why isn’t he in the room?”

  No sooner were these words out of my mouth than the conference door opened and Tito stuck his head in. “I was off getting a chiropractor we can trust to both be discreet and help, not hurt,” he said with a grin. “Jeff, Chuck, I want to get her to medical. Doctor Li is here, and I want to get Kitty taken care of and Doctor Li back to Pueblo Caliente as soon as possible.”

  “Where is Pueblo Caliente?” I asked as Martini and Charles stood. They both looked shocked.

  Martini helped me up. “Um, it’s where you’re from, baby. In Arizona.”

  “I’m from Phoenix. So is Charles.”

  Jaws dropped. “Ah, is Phoenix in the middle of the state and the state capital?” Charles asked.

  “Yes. Prescott used to be the capital, though, way back when.”

  He nodded. “Phoenix is named Pueblo Caliente in this universe.”

  “Oh. Great. I think this means I have Bizarro World Bingo.”

  We walked through the rat maze again and headed off to the elevators. Everyone was giving Martini funny looks both while we were waiting for and then in the elevator car and he looked kind of depressed. I didn’t get it but decided not to question. Charles seemed incredibly uncomfortable in here, too.

  More wandering led us to what appeared to be a huge medical wing. I could understand why the world would believe they’d take the wife of the Vice President here—this looked far more impressive than Walter Reed.

  Dr. Li turned out to be a pretty Chinese woman about my age who was waiting for me in another room that resembled a fishbowl. Privacy wasn’t an alien thing, apparently. Per Tito’s introduction, she was a leading practitioner in all the holistic and natural types of medicines, including chiropractic, acupuncture, and acupressure, along with being an herbalist and holding a PhD in Chinese Medicines from two universities. Wanted to ask her when, if ever, she slept, but I was married to a brilliant man and it wasn’t a leap to figure that she was in the same brainy stratosphere.

  She was also a great chiropractor and, after X-rays were taken, she adjusted me so that I only sort of ached. Martini was given a bunch of natural meds for me to take to reduce inflammation and get the lovely bruise on my forehead to diminish quickly. Had to hand it to this world—their medicine seemed somewhat advanced compared to what I was used to.

  Medical perpetration over, the discussion ensued for where to go next. I wanted to take a nap, and Martini supported that desire. “And, besides, isn’t Jamie going to be worried about why you and I have been gone so long?”

  Martini shrugged. “No. She’s used to it. She’s at daycare.”

  “Excuse me? Are you saying that you have all of one child and you’re dumping her off at some daycare every day?”

  This ensured that everyone stared at me again. I was really batting a thousand on this particular skill. “Ah, yes,” Martini said. “We have active jobs and we’re in danger situations all the time. It’s safer for Jamie. The daycare is in our Embassy, and she’s there with all the other Embassy and Alpha Team kids. She loves it.”

  I wasn’t convinced but decided not to have this argument here, or in front of all of these people. Technically this wasn’t my fight anyway.

  We went up to a floor
that had a lot of cars and a lot of things that looked like the metal detectors in airports—big metal doorways to nowhere. “These are what stationary gates look like,” Martini said, as he led me to the metal detectors.

  We weren’t alone—apparently many of the people with us lived at the Embassy or in the D.C. area and were going back with us, Amy and Christopher included. While all these people were filtering through, Paul pulled me aside.

  “Kitty, I know it’s been explained that I’m our religious leader. I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk to someone and you don’t feel right talking to Chuck or Jeff, I’m here for you. And Richard is, too.”

  “Thanks. That’s really very nice of you.”

  He smiled and shook his head. “No, it’s my job. When our people need support and guidance, the Supreme Pontifex needs to be there for them. Every one of them. Even those who aren’t sure they are one of our people yet.”

  “That seems like a huge responsibility.”

  “It is. But it’s worth it. Most of the time.” He looked very sad for a moment.

  “When is it not worth it?”

  “When we lose people we love.” He hugged me gently. “I know you have to feel lost and stranded and more than a little like the weight of a world was just dropped onto your shoulders. I just want you to know that precedent has already been set—you’ll do everything we need you to.”

  “I’m worried that I’ll mess things up worse, not make them better.”

  He chuckled. “Oh, you might. But the thing is, I know you’ll still manage to save the day.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  He kissed my forehead, though not where I was bruised. “Because that’s who you are and what you do.”

  “Then I guess I’d better do my best.”

  He smiled. “Or, as we call it, routine.”

  CHAPTER 26

  ANOTHER HORRIBLE GATE TRANSFER made better by Martini carrying me through it. Being around Charles while acting as Martini’s wife was starting to get to me emotionally, and finding him waiting for us as we exited the gate into what appeared to be a dark basement made it worse. He was alone, so I assumed the others had gotten upstairs into the light.

  “Jeff, it occurred to me that Stryker and the others are going to know this isn’t the real Kitty almost immediately,” he said as Martini put me down gently.

  “Eddy’s here? I thought he was on book tour.”

  Both men stared at me. “Ah,” Charles said finally, “what does Stryker do in your world?”

  “He’s a hugely successful author. He helped my Charles debunk all the aliens on Earth theories a long time ago. He’s a close friend, the kids love it when he visits.”

  “What conspiracy theories is he into?” Martini asked.

  I shrugged. “Not a lot, really. I mean, he pretends for some of his fans, but, really, while he’s certain intelligent life is out there, he’s equally certain it hasn’t shown up on Earth.”

  “Betting that’s wrong,” Martini said under his breath.

  Charles coughed. “Um, is he in shape?”

  “Well, Eddy couldn’t run a marathon, I’m sure, but yeah, he does a lot of public appearances and he takes care of himself.”

  “She won’t be able to fake her reaction,” Charles said to Martini. “Guaranteed.”

  “Guys, I’m in the room. Speaking of which, why are we in a basement?”

  “Most gates are in bathrooms—in every bathroom in every airport in the world—or in basements,” Charles replied. “Most basement gates are in residences.”

  “Why?”

  “Just our thing,” Martini said. “We don’t have to have her go over to the Zoo.”

  “I love the zoo. I was on my way there when I was run off the road. I was kind of hoping I could take Jamie there.”

  “Maybe,” Martini said. “But that’s not the zoo I meant. I can’t believe we didn’t brief her on the layouts of the Science Center or the Embassy. But we didn’t.”

  “My God, there’s more information you want to give me? Pass.” I headed for the only staircase I could see and went up. Exited into a short hallway that led to a bigger hallway and a gigantic kitchen. Someone I knew was in there. “Peter!” I ran to him and hugged him.

  “Kitty, darling, why are you calling me Peter?”

  Looked up at him. He wasn’t joking. “Uh . . .”

  “She hit her head, Pierre,” Martini said quickly as he and Charles raced into the kitchen. “She’s a little addled from it.”

  Peter’s expression went from confusion to concern instantly. “Have we seen a doctor?”

  “Yes, Doctor Li.”

  “Excellent. Hand over the medicines. I’ll make sure you take them on time.”

  Martini so handed. “Has the trouble gotten back here?”

  Peter shook his head. “I wasn’t watching the news. Tried to keep tabs on all of you, but that cricket match was so deathly dull, I couldn’t manage it, and neither could anyone else who was Embassy-bound. I thought the Princesses were going to lose their minds.”

  Charles and Martini looked at each other. “We didn’t cover personnel too well, either,” Martini said.

  “Why would you need to?” Peter asked politely.

  “I’m having memory issues Pe—ah, Pierre. Like with your name. I’m sure it’ll pass, but for right now, I’m not remembering things right. Jeff and Charles were helping me.”

  “Charles?” Peter raised his eyebrow. “Are you two fighting?”

  “Uh, no?”

  “She was trying to call me Charles while we were with all the dignitaries. Feels a lot stuffier than Chuckie, but it seemed to impress a couple people.”

  “Need to check on Jamie,” Martini said, as he took my arm and led me quickly out of the kitchen. Charles followed us. “You call him Chuckie,” Martini said in a low voice as we headed for the stairs. “You’re the only one allowed to and you’ve said many times why you won’t call him Chuck or Charles.”

  “Seriously? I only call him Chuckie in bed.” Both men winced. “Sorry, but it’s true. But, fine, Chuckie it is.” Hoped I could call him Chuckie without feeling amorous or awkward. Checked Martini’s expression—it was clear he was hoping that, too.

  “She hit her head hard, on concrete, and that was witnessed by everyone around us and by now thousands of people on TV, minimum,” Charles said, sounding as if he were trying to reassure himself as much as Martini. “Any slipups can be explained by the whole ‘major concussion’ excuse.”

  “I say again, Bizarro World sounded a lot more fun in the abstract.”

  “True enough,” Martini said. He took my hand, grabbed Charles’ arm, and suddenly we were moving at the fastest speed I’d ever encountered.

  It was over quickly, but like the gates, it wasn’t fun for my stomach. We stopped outside of what appeared to be the daycare center. Fortunately, I saw a bathroom nearby, wrenched out of Martini’s hand, and ran for it. Made it into a stall just in time.

  “I’m so sorry,” Martini said from behind me, as I barfed my breakfast into the toilet. “Kitty’s enhanced and all the other humans take a pill Tito created . . .”

  “What . . . ever . . . ,” I gasped out between heaves.

  He knelt down next to me and pulled my hair back for me, while he put his other hand onto my forehead. It helped and I finally stopped throwing up. Martini got up and walked away. I heard water running, then he was back with wet paper towels. He moved me into a sitting position instead of a kneeling position and wiped my face off. He looked so sorry and also so sad I couldn’t help it—I started crying.

  He pulled me into his lap and rocked me. “It’s okay, baby.”

  “No it’s not,” I sobbed out. “I’m the wrong person and somewhere along the line I’m going to blow it so badly that I’m going to make things wor
se for all of you. And you seem like a great guy but I don’t know you, let alone love you, and I don’t know how I’m going to pretend when I have to.”

  Martini continued to rock me. “I know how hard this is, and you’re doing great, much better than you think you are. You’re just genetically predisposed to rolling with whatever happens and handling it, and you’ve been doing a great job. This was my fault. I’m letting myself pretend you’re ‘my’ Kitty, but in doing so, I’m forgetting that you’re really not. I have to remember what it was like when we first met—I’d never have just grabbed you and run off at hyperspeed, not without warning, not when we weren’t in danger. Hyperspeed is hard on humans—everyone throws up from it, not just you. That’s why Tito created a drug to combat the effect.”

  “Hope I can get some.”

  He kissed my forehead. “As soon as you’re feeling composed, yeah, I’ll get you some.” He leaned my head against his shoulder. “Just relax now.”

  Had to admit, him holding me was comforting and comfortable. But at the same time, it wasn’t right. “I feel like I’m cheating on my husband.”

  “I know. I can feel everything you’re feeling, trust me, blocks or no blocks. And I feel the same way, really. But we’ll manage. Without breaking the vows that matter to us. I promise.”

  Heaved a shuddering sigh. “Okay. It’s hard on Charles, damn, I mean Chuckie, too, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. And it’s probably going to get harder. I don’t know how long you’re going to be with us. Alpha Team is going to focus on trying to determine if there’s a rip in the space-time continuum or if there’s another reason for how you traded places with my Kitty. But that could take some time.”

  “Or I could get sucked right back as soon as she’s saved the day in my world, right?” Martini didn’t reply and I thought about this. And the fact that these people didn’t seem able to lie, and they weren’t comfortable trying, either. “She’s solved it already or she’s dead, right? That’s what you’re thinking.”