Alien Education Read online

  Rave reviews for the Alien novels:

  “From alternate realities to alternate galaxies, Koch takes us on the wildest adventures. But it is the camaraderie between the characters that keeps the over-the-top tale grounded and compelling.”

  —RT Book Reviews (top pick)

  “Koch still pulls the neat trick of quietly weaving in plot threads that go unrecognized until they start tying together—or snapping. This is a hyperspeed-paced addition to a series that shows no signs of slowing down.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Aliens, danger, and romance make this a fast-paced, wittily written sf romantic comedy.”

  —Library Journal

  “Gini Koch’s Kitty Katt series is a great example of the lighter side of science fiction. Told with clever wit and non-stop pacing . . . it blends diplomacy, action and sense of humor into a memorable reading experience.”

  —Kirkus

  “The action is nonstop, the snark flies fast and furious. . . . Another fantastic addition to an imaginative series!”

  —Night Owl Sci-Fi (top pick)

  “Ms. Koch has carved a unique niche for herself in the sci-fi-romance category with this series. My only hope is that it lasts for a very long time.”

  —Fresh Fiction

  “This delightful romp has many interesting twists and turns as it glances at racism, politics, and religion en route . . . will have fanciers of cinematic sf parodies referencing Men in Black, Ghostbusters, and X-Men.”

  —Booklist (starred review)

  “There’s a reason why this series is so popular and it’s because there’s nothing else out there in the universe like it.”

  —Under the Covers

  DAW Books Presents GINI KOCH’s

  Alien Novels:

  TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN

  ALIEN TANGO

  ALIEN IN THE FAMILY

  ALIEN PROLIFERATION

  ALIEN DIPLOMACY

  ALIEN VS. ALIEN

  ALIEN IN THE HOUSE

  ALIEN RESEARCH

  ALIEN COLLECTIVE

  UNIVERSAL ALIEN

  ALIEN SEPARATION

  ALIEN IN CHIEF

  CAMP ALIEN

  ALIEN NATION

  ALIEN EDUCATION

  ALIENS ABROAD

  (coming soon from DAW)

  Copyright © 2017 by Jeanne Cook.

  All Rights Reserved.

  Cover art by Lindsey Look.

  Cover design by G-Force Design.

  DAW Book Collectors No. 1757.

  Published by DAW Books, Inc.

  375 Hudson Street, New York, NY 10014.

  All characters and events in this book are fictitious.

  Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.

  If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may have been stolen property and reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher. In such case neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal, and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.

  Nearly all the designs and trade names in this book are registered trademarks. All that are still in commercial use are protected by United States and international trademark law.

  Ebook ISBN: 9780756411466

  DAW TRADEMARK REGISTERED

  U.S. PAT. AND TM. OFF. AND FOREIGN COUNTRIES

  —MARCA REGISTRADA

  HECHO EN U.S.A.

  Version_1

  To the memory of my father-in-law, Douglas Vernon Cook, who taught his boys how to be wonderful men, husbands, and fathers, and taught me what it was like to have a great dad in my life for the last thirty years. We’ll always love and miss you, Dad.

  CONTENTS

  Praise for the Alien Novels

  Also by Gini Koch

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Chapter 63

  Chapter 64

  Chapter 65

  Chapter 66

  Chapter 67

  Chapter 68

  Chapter 69

  Chapter 70

  Chapter 71

  Chapter 72

  Chapter 73

  Chapter 74

  Chapter 75

  Chapter 76

  Chapter 77

  Chapter 78

  Chapter 79

  Chapter 80

  Chapter 81

  Chapter 82

  Chapter 83

  Chapter 84

  Chapter 85

  Chapter 86

  Chapter 87

  Chapter 88

  Chapter 89

  Chapter 90

  Excerpt from Aliens Abroad

  About the Author

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  This book crawled over the finish line, last and late. Lots of reasons, the biggest one being that my father-in-law was diagnosed and lost a fast and furious battle with cancer when I needed to be finishing up the book. As Kitty knows, life, and death, happens, and you can’t necessarily stop it. Or not let it stop you for a bit.

  I couldn’t have finished this book without the incredible support of Sheila Gilbert, the most amazing and patient editor in the world, Cherry Weiner, the most supportive and protective agent in the world, Lisa Dovic
hi, the most dedicated critique partner and best friend there’s ever been, and Mary Fiore, still the best and fastest beta reader in the West and the best mum, too.

  Continuous love and thanks to Alexis Nixon, Kayleigh Webb, and the other good folks at Penguin Random House and everyone at DAW Books, especially Josh Starr and Katie Hoffman, for being amazing 24/7. Same again to all my fans around the globe, my Hook Me Up! Gang, members of Team Gini new and old, all Alien Collective Members in Very Good Standing, Members of the Stampeding Herd, Twitter followers, Facebook fans and friends, Pinterest followers, the fabulous bookstores that support me, and all the wonderful fans who come to my various book signings and conference panels—you’re all the best and I wouldn’t want to do this without each and every one of you along for the ride. (Yeah, I say that every time. Because it’s true every time.)

  Special love and extra shout-outs to: my distance assistant, Colette Chmiel, my personal assistant, Joseph Gaxiola, and my inventory manager, Kathi Schreiber, for figuring out how to create calm out of my rampant chaos and being my rocks when I need strength and my goofballs when I need laughs—you’re all wonderful and keep me going far more than you realize; Edward Pulley for continually allowing me to steal Joseph away all the time with good grace and being willing to talk about whatever pop culture thing strikes me for hours on end; Brad Jensen, for helping at the drop of a hat and acting like I’m the one doing you a favor for it; Rhonda Moore and Al Barrera for doing such a great job of helping me with social media in 2016; Missy Katano, Edward Pulley, Kathi Schreiber, and Frankie O’Connor for using their strong Google Fu to become Team Research, thereby saving me tons of time and finding cool things I never would on my own, thereby making my books and stories all the better for it; Museum of Robots for making such awesome licensed products of my works every time I turn around and being awesome people at the same time; Shawn Sumrall, Amy Thacker, Joseph Gaxiola, Colette Chmiel, Jan Robinson, Craig & Stephanie Dyer, Koleta Parsley, Christina Callahan, Lynn Crain, Mariann Asanuma, Edward Pulley, Archie Bays, Anne Taylor, Terry Smith, Carol Kuna, Richard Bolinski, Duncan & Andrea Rittschof, and Chrysta Stuckless for fun, lovely, and delicious gifts that make the long nights and deadline stress totally worth it; Shawn Sumrall and Joshua Tree Feeding Program, for providing amazing prizes for my big Evening Erotica event year after year; everyone who puts in sweat equity with me at cons, especially Joseph Gaxiola, Kathi Schreiber, Brad Jensen, and Duncan and Andrea Rittschof; Slice of SciFi and editor Summer Brooks for giving me things to review so I still get out of the Casa, into the world, and continue to experience popular culture; Javier de Leon for once again being there and Robert Palsma for once again ensuring that he could be; Robert Palsma and Jan Robinson for still liking everything I do; Chris “Delicious” Swanson for awesome concert experiences and the hilarity of the Thor’s Hammer Story; Scott Johnson for still having the best little B&B in San Diego and being a calm, supportive friend when things were going sideways; Michele Sharik and Brianne Lucinda for going long distances, and coming home from long distances, to see the me all the time; Adrian & Lisa Payne, Duncan & Andrea Rittschof, Hal & Dee Astell, Richard Clayton, and Dori Lovers for always showing up and making every event all the better for your presence; Oliver & Blanca Bernal for being family we got to choose; Eric and Jennifer Olson, for being there; Dan & Emily “Amadhia” King for constant love angel music, baby; the Authors of the Stampeding Herd—Lisa Dovichi, Barb Tyler, Lynn Crain, Hal Astell, Terry Smith, Sue Martin, Teresa Cutler-Broyles, Phyllis Hemann, Rhondi Salsitz, and Celina Summers—once again, our competition and your support kept me going, and I remain proud to pound hooves with every one of you (psst, buy their books); author Sharon Skinner for being my road warrior buddy (psst, buy her books); and last but not least, Mumsy and Daddy for stepping up when we hit the panic button and giving me some desperately needed peace of mind.

  Last only because that’s where you put the best, thanks to my daughter, Veronica, and my son-in-law, Kenny, for being awesome all the time, and my husband, Steve, who was hugely supportive of all my writer stress, angst, and pressure while going through an incredibly tough time himself—you remain the best husband, father, and son in the world and I’m ever grateful that you’re mine.

  IT’S NOT EASY SAVING THE WORLD. Or worlds. Or galaxy, when you get right down to it.

  And yet, I and my nearest and dearest seem to have to do it all the time. Some people vacation in Gstaad. Some people hit the yacht club. Some go out for dinner and a movie. We get embroiled in life-and-death situations involving crazed megalomaniacs, slimy politicians, and aliens of all shapes and sizes.

  Of course, this is all because I’m married to the Alien of Aliens. Not only is Jeff the hottest thing on two legs—or any number of legs, really, since now I know a lot of aliens with a wide range of limb configurations—but he’s also a born leader. Literally.

  The surprises never stop coming for us. First, we got to discover that Jeff was part of the Annocusal Royal Family from the Alpha Centauri solar system, which was shocking since no one had ever shared that with him. Then we got to discover that, because he’d refused the crown on Alpha Four to return home to Earth, Alpha Four had just declared him the King Regent of Earth and called it good, again without sharing that with anyone else, like Jeff. They were kind of bossy that way.

  And sandwiched in between these exciting royal facts was the “fun” of Jeff getting shoved into a political career he never wanted and then, due to those crazed megalomaniacs and slimy pols, becoming the President of the United States. And doing a bang up job of it, too, if you didn’t mind that the President was kicking butt a lot more than his predecessors had. Hey, we might have been shoved into political careers, but you couldn’t prove that any of our enemies noticed or cared.

  Of course, that made me both the First Lady and the Queen Regent, and the less said about how unprepared I was and remain for both of those positions, the better. However, it came in handy when a ton of aliens were fleeing to Earth for protection and asylum. And I definitely represented, since my view of decorum is that it’s best left to others while leaving the kicking of butt to me.

  Some people might be upset if the majority of the galaxy seemed to think they were The One for every girl fight around. But, as Joan Jett & The Blackhearts sang so well, neither Earth nor I care about our “Bad Reputation” throughout the planetary systems. Earth is considered the scrappy, nasty, vicious underdog you should never count out. And I’m apparently considered the go-to girl for any alien looking for someone to stare down whoever’s bullying them.

  So, bring on the galaxy! We’re not afraid!

  Well, um, okay. Earth and I are, admittedly, a little afraid. I mean, we’re great at the fighting. But we’re not so good at the playing nicely with others. And that appears to be what’s now expected. Save the day, instantly turn into the poster person for your planet. And Earth, as a planet made up of a fractious species that’s spent the majority of its entire existence trying to kill itself, is not, necessarily, going to represent well in Galactic Polite Society.

  Jeff carries it off perfectly, though. Because he was born to it with all that royal family stuff going on, and apparently the Force is strong with him on this one. I don’t. Because I was, as Motörhead so perfectly puts it, “Born to Raise Hell.”

  • • •

  In other words, I’m an Earth Girl, but I’ll never make it easy.

  CHAPTER 1

  “IT’S ANOTHER GREAT DAY on Good Day USA!” the perky morning show host shared enthusiastically. “In our first hour we focused on all the new alien races we’ve gotten to know over these past few months.” The audience dutifully applauded. “This next hour is going to be even better, though, folks. We can’t wait, because we’re just so excited to announce our next special guest!” More audience applause.

  Didn’t share any of their enthusiasm, but then again, I was the opposite of a morning person and was still wondering
why I was awake at this hour. Also could not remember the host’s name, which was because, in part, I was never up to watch these shows and, in other part, I was never up because I wasn’t a morning person and therefore wasn’t sure I currently remembered my own name.

  She was pretty and Hispanic and that was all I was getting, because my brain didn’t want to do any work beyond what my eyes were sharing. Was fairly sure her name started with a K, since that appeared to be a morning show requirement. My name started with a K, too. Perhaps, in another part of the multiverse, I was a morning show anchor. Though I sincerely doubted it.

  Her handsome male cohost, whose name was also escaping me, nodded equally enthusiastically. He was perky, too. Obnoxiously so. “This is a guest everyone wants, who we’re really proud to have been able to bring to our viewers first, because we go out of our way to start your days right! Don’t we, Kristie?”

  Bingo, and starting with a K. Now if I could only remember his name. The dudes’ names didn’t seem to have a letter requirement. Managed to remember that he was a former baseball player, so there was that. He reminded me a lot of the late Michael Gower—big, bald, black, and beautiful, with definite charisma. The audience was clapping again. Was pretty sure there was a sign somewhere telling them to do so.

  “We sure do, Adam!” Kristie said, still sounding amazingly perky. Hurray for the requirement on these shows to use your fellow host’s name at least once every ten minutes. “You all know her as the First Lady of the United States. Coming out right now, here’s Code Name: First Lady, Katherine Katt-Martini!”

  Yes, that was me and, barring my being really lucky, I wasn’t asleep and this wasn’t a nightmare, at least, not a sleeping one. There were a lot of hells that politics had put me into, but none worse than this—being a guest on a morning talk show.

  As the audience clapped themselves into a frenzy and I was gently shoved forward toward the stage by my so-called friends, I once again asked myself and the greater cosmos why anyone had thought this was a good idea. And also who hadn’t shared with Kristie and Adam that I never wanted anyone to refer to me as Code Name: First Lady. Whoever it was would be receiving a very nasty talking-to whenever I got out of here.