Alien Education Page 20

  “I think that begs another question,” Chuckie said looking worried.

  “Let me guess what that question is. Who else has been made into some form of a robot without their knowledge or consent? And I’m going to answer that question myself. We don’t know but it could be a whole lot of people.”

  “Commander! You need to see this!” Jerry shouted before anyone else could chime in on my Prediction O’ Doom. We all ran back to his containment unit.

  To see the goo remains of the Christopher-Bot the First forming into something. Something that looked like a big fist. “I specifically said I did not want to star in a remake of The Blob! Why is that crap turning into a fist?”

  The Christopher Blob answered me before anyone else could. It started slamming itself at the door handle inside the room.

  “Ah, is that going to be able to break through?” Tim asked.

  “I can’t feel anything from it,” Jeff said. “It’s got no emotions.”

  “If it has emotions, trust me, they’re set to Rage Against The Machine, so let’s be glad you can’t feel them.” Noted that the door handle seemed to be failing. “And it’s hella strong, whatever it is. Anyone have any guesses for how to destroy that?”

  Rahmi and Rhee produced their battle staffs. I still had no idea how they carried them, because one moment they appeared weaponless and the next they had their staffs. Decided not to care. Beta Twelve battle staffs had what really seemed like a big laser on one end and were sort of weighted like a javelin. They also worked better for women than men.

  “We will stop it,” Rahmi said grimly, as she stepped in front of Tito and activated her staff. The laser end glowed.

  “It will not reach anyone else,” Rhee added as she went next to her sister, staff already activated. They were definitely in First Line of Defense Mode. Alpha Team lined up behind them, with Abigail and Mahin behind them, while Chuckie, Tito, Melanie, and Emily pulled Jeff back. White stepped in front of him, a move that was totally in character for White and would mean that, should anything happen, Jeff would toss everyone off him to protect his uncle.

  Raced back to the Christopher-Bot the Second. “Your counterpart that you blew up has first melted, then formed into a blob of goo, and now those that goo has formed into a sort of fist that’s breaking down the containment room door. It’s about to attack us. Any idea of what we can do to stop it?”

  “It’s coming for me,” he said, sounding mildly worried. “We are enemies, remember?”

  “He didn’t even know you existed, and I don’t know what you’re both made out of, but it’s certainly not anything normal.” Or potentially from this planet. “Not sugar, spice, or anything nice, I can say that.”

  “That’s females. Males are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails.”

  “Commander,” Hughes called, before I could ask about the Christopher-Bot the Second’s nursery rhyme programming. “What do you want us doing?”

  “Guarding your posts!” Like we wanted any of these others to get the chance to escape?

  “Let me out, so I can fight,” the Christopher-Bot the Second said.

  Pondered this. Sure, maybe he was telling the truth. And then again, maybe this was an elaborate ruse to get us to let him out so he could kill us all. Had no bet either way, because there were so many other options.

  Heard the others shout and spun around. The Christopher Fist has broken the door down and Rahmi and Rhee were going to town on it. It was, however, dodging them. Heard Chuckie shouting that no one should shoot a gun, meaning that the battle staffs were it. Saw Rahmi hit the thing. It seemed to take damage, but then reformed into what looked like a net. It tried to catch Rhee, but she managed to jump out of the way.

  “Commander,” Joe shouted, “that looks like one of the nets from the NSA black site!”

  It did indeed. We’d been able to destroy those, but we’d used Drax weaponry to do it. “Poofs Assemble!”

  All the Poofs of those people here—and by now, everyone we cared about had a Poof, and some had more than one—appeared in front of me, looking up adoringly. I enjoyed the Sea of Animal Love for a moment. “Poofies, Kitty has a situation. I don’t think this enemy is one you can eat. I’m not even sure if you can fight it.” Then I put on my Recap Girl Cape while keeping my Dr. Doolittle Hat on, and told them, fast, what was happening. “So, if you can bring us some weapons from Gustav Drax’s helicarrier, I think Kitty can save everyone.”

  Harlie mewed, bounced up and down, and mewed again. Then all the Poofs disappeared.

  Meanwhile, the net was dodging any and all attempts by the princesses to hit it, while it simultaneously seemed to be trying to get to Jeff. At least, it was heading for him and the clutch of people around him, despite said clutch moving Jeff and the princesses and Alpha Team attempting to knock the net down.

  Thankfully, the Poofs were back quickly, Poof powers being awesome. Seeing as Poofs were actually Black Hole Universe animals, they had special abilities, one of which was to be able to “eat” a thing and then hack it back up when it was needed. Which they did now. Well, they’d already “eaten,” so what they were doing now was hacking.

  We had a full set of Drax weapons hacked up. The weapons didn’t even have Poof Spit on them, because Poofs were the greatest. Drax was pretty great, too, and truly what he’d first advertised himself to be—a weapons creation genius. Grabbed the laser gun Harlie had deposited at my feet. “Aww, I think I used this model to kill fuglies at Camp David. What good Poofies you all are.”

  With that, I looked up at the net that was now flying too high for the battle staffs to hit, and was also flying directly for my husband, and took aim.

  CHAPTER 32

  MY MOTHER HAD spent a lot of time teaching me how to shoot accurately and fast when I’d first joined up with Centaurion Division, and my life since then had given me tons of practice. I probably still wasn’t as good as Mom, who was the Annie Oakley of Covert and Clandestine Ops, but I was damned close.

  Hit the net several times and brought it down. Hit it on the way down, as did the flyboys, each of whom now also had a Drax laser weapon. Once it was down I shouted to them to remain at their posts, then ran to the remains of the net on the ground and shot the hell out of it until there was literally nothing left.

  “I don’t know how we sweep up debris of this nature and cleanse the area, but however we do it, or think we do it, it needs to be done now.”

  “On it,” Lorraine said. She and Claudia zipped off.

  “Nice shootin’, Tex,” Chuckie said.

  “Nice thinking on calling in the Poofs,” Reader added, as the girls returned with what looked like industrial-strength cleaners and went to town, their mothers helping them.

  “Ah, I think you all want to see this,” Walker called before anyone else could chime in on my ability to save the day. He was guarding the Kristie-Bot.

  Cleanup done because of hyperspeed, we all trotted over, Jerry included since he had nothing left to guard, everyone else picking up a Drax weapon of choice on the way, because why should the flyboys and I be the only ones having any fun?

  So, we all got to share in the fun news that the Kristie-Bot was awake and wriggling out of her straps. “Who woke her up?” Tito asked.

  “No one,” Emily replied, looking at her tablet. “She’s done this on her own.”

  “That should be impossible,” Melanie said, as she shifted her gun into the low-on-the-hip mode of firing.

  “No, that blob thing was impossible. This is just our usual luck.”

  But a blob that turned into a capture net did indicate that the Christopher-Bots had come from the same NSA black site where we’d found Janelle Gardiner and the part of my team that had been captured during Operation Madhouse.

  We watched the Kristie-Bot get loose enough to remove the straps. She then pulled all the various needles and s
uch out. Then she stepped off of the metal bed. Waited for her to morph into something or start pounding on the door. She did neither. “What do you people think you’re doing? You can’t keep me out of Code Name: First Lady, you know.”

  “Wow, that’s what you’re leading with? Trust me, babe, you’ve got a part in the Movie From Hell. We were keeping you sedated or similar so nothing bad could happen to you or to anyone else.” I mean, that was what I assumed Tito’s overall goal had been.

  “We can’t let her out,” Tito said softly. “If she can overcome what she just did, she could be highly dangerous.”

  “More dangerous than that blob-net thing?” Tim muttered.

  “My girl handled it,” Jeff said proudly. “Like she always does.” Felt all warm and fuzzy, but didn’t let it make me cocky.

  But before I could chime in on this latest wrinkle in the linen of our lives, my phone rang. Sighed, pulled it out of my purse, and answered. “Kitty, you totes need to hurry up.”

  “Lizzie, what’s going wrong now?”

  “Nothing. But P-Chef’s ready to start the prep for baking, and per the rules you have to be with us when we’re making stuff for tomorrow’s bake sale.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeppers.”

  Contemplated suggesting that all the kids lie and say I was there, but that was definitely too big an entry into the Worst Mother in the World Awards to be even suggested aloud. “Um, can you guys start without me?”

  “Not really. Chef says that he wants to ensure that you know what’s being served and all that stuff. P-Chef agrees. So does everyone else.”

  “Of course they do.”

  “Go on,” Jeff said. “We can handle this.”

  Managed not to say that they couldn’t have handled the net without me, but let it slide. “Okay, I’ll be there, soon. And ‘there’ is the White House kitchens, right?”

  “No,” Lizzie said patiently. “We’re baking, so we’re with P-Chef. Where else would we be?”

  “Oh, the way my life goes, you could all be on Mars. See you soon.” Hung up and heaved a sigh. “Are you sure you don’t want me around for this?”

  “I want you around for this,” the Kristie-Bot said. “I don’t trust any of these people, but at least I know you’re trustworthy.”

  “Um, how in the world would you know that?”

  “Your reputation.”

  “Yeah, I don’t believe that, honestly. Are you supposed to explode and just don’t want me to miss out or something?” Or morph or grow three times her size, or whatever. Really, after the Christopher Blob, I wasn’t ruling anything out.

  She rolled her eyes. “Look, I get it. Most people who do stuff like I’ve done, they’re doing it to take over the world. I’m not. I’m just at the most attractive I’ll ever be, and I want to be famous. Not just morning show famous, but whole world famous. And then I want to be whole galaxy famous. And the only way I’m going to get to do that is by first having the procedure, which I’ve done, and then starring in the most anticipated movie in years, which I now will do, thanks to you and Jürgen.”

  “What movie is that?” I asked politely.

  “Really? Code Name: First Lady. I want to be in that and I want to be an important character. I don’t want to be killed off in the first reel.”

  Jeff grunted. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve spent enough time reading her now. Her emotions aren’t clear in the way fully organic beings are, or the way the androids’ emotions are. However, I’ve figured out where the differences are and how they feel. She’s telling the truth.”

  “What are the differences?” Chuckie asked.

  Jeff shook his head. “I can’t explain them to anyone who’s not an empath. But I can explain it to the rest of our empaths. With a little practice everyone should be both able to spot a Bot and also able to read them properly.”

  “See?” the Kristie-Bot said smugly. “I’m helping already.”

  We all stared at her. “Um, am I interpreting you correctly?” I asked finally. “You want to be on the team?”

  “Of course. I know that I’ll have to have a good working relationship with you as well as Jürgen. You’re my golden ticket. Meaning I need to be helpful, or your people will just have me have a convenient ‘accident’ before I can say you’re a homicidal maniac.”

  “That’s the best idea so far,” Chuckie said cheerfully.

  “We’ll have Adam around to let us know if she’s off,” I said. “And we did agree to cast her on national television this morning.”

  “It’s in my best interests to help you, not hurt you,” the Kristie-Bot said.

  “Tell me how to find Doctor Rattoppare.”

  She stared at me. “Why? I don’t want her to reverse the process.”

  Hoped the others weren’t being too obvious in their expressions, but reflection in the window we were all staring into said that several jaws had dropped. “Excuse me, but she can reverse it?”

  The Kristie-Bot nodded. “Yes. It’s in the agreement.”

  “What agreement?”

  “The one you sign when you agree to become a patient.”

  “Huh. Would you happen to have a copy of that agreement somewhere we could see it?”

  She shrugged. “Sure. It’s at my house.”

  Reader was on his phone. “We need you, right now. Yeah. Underground garage.”

  As he hung up Christopher appeared. “I didn’t bother to share that I was leaving the LSR. I don’t think anyone will care—they’re really focused on the stuff with Gadhavi, Pecker, and Gutermuth. What’s going on?”

  “We need to you to fetch something,” Reader said. He nodded to the Kristie-Bot. “Tell him how to get to your home and where the agreement is.”

  While she did, Reader called in my A-C Security team. “They already know what’s going on,” he said to me with a grin, after he told them what they were doing.

  The Kristie-Bot finished and Christopher nodded. “Back in a flash.” My five guys linked up, Christopher grabbed Manfred, and they disappeared.

  “If anything happens to them,” Jeff said to the Kristie-Bot, “you will meet with a very public and very unfortunate accident from which you will not recover.”

  She rolled her eyes at him. “You just confirmed that I’m not lying.”

  Jeff shrugged. “Yes. I’m just confirming what I’ll do to you if I’ve somehow read you wrong.”

  “I appreciate the concern, as do the other guys,” Christopher said as the six of them reappeared and everyone, even the Kristie-Bot, jumped. He grinned. “Nice to keep you guys on your toes.” While the Poofs politely hacked up weapons for Christopher and my A-C security dudes, he handed a large manila envelope to Chuckie.

  Who read its contents, grunted, then handed said contents to Reader. Who read them, grunted, then handed them off to Tim. Who shared with others, so all the A-C women crowded around him and read over his shoulder.

  Chose to not bother and just go to the source. “Chuckie, what’s the good word?”

  “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s actually possible that Stephanie’s trying to go legit. In the most radical way possible, but still, potentially legit. There are portions that deal with reproduction—the patient has to guarantee that they’re of age and either have had all the kids they want or don’t plan to have any more. There are portions that deal with reactions to the procedure and so forth. And more. That contract reads as comprehensive and totally legal.”

  “It did to me, too,” Reader confirmed. “And, yeah, if a patient wants to have the procedure reversed, they can do so.”

  “There’s a time limit,” the Kristie-Bot shared. “After a few years, the wiring will become integral to every part of your body and then it’s irreversible. But I really doubt that it’s going to be an issue.”

>   “Could be,” Tito said. “If something goes wrong.”

  “Things go wrong with human bodies all the time,” she replied. Accurately. “But this will keep my body safe from the most dangerous thing that it faces—aging.”

  “There’s not a lot of proof that it works long-term, though,” I pointed out.

  “That’s not true. The elder Doctor Rattoppare has had the procedure done. Years ago. He looks great and has been completely healthy since the procedure.”

  Once again, we all stared at the Kristie-Bot. “You’ve met him? The elder doctor?”

  “Yes. Of course. They’re in practice together. Grandfather and granddaughter. It’s really kind of sweet. Though, I wouldn’t necessarily say they’re sweet people. But they clearly care about each other. And they do excellent work.”

  “If we showed you pictures of them, would you be able to recognize them?” White asked.

  “Of course.”

  “And you’d do that?” Jeff asked.

  “Yes. I want to be in the movie. I get that it means I have to be on your side. I mean, it’s stupid to oppose a popular sitting President. And besides, galactic famous, remember? I’m not going to achieve that by working against you. Well, not in a positive way. I don’t want to be a famous villain. I want to be the biggest star in the world.”

  “She means it,” Jeff said. He sounded shocked.

  I wasn’t. “You know, I’ll take it.”

  “Come again?” Christopher asked.

  “Look, I get the motivation. It’s not mine, but I understand it. Hollywood is cutthroat. Our Kristie-Bot has found a way to put herself ahead of the pack. Sure, she blackmailed me and Jürgen to get a part in a movie, but, in the grand scheme of things, that’s all she did. People have done far worse for the same goal. Frankly, far worse for a lesser goal. And, as we’ve already outlined, that blackmail can be so easily circumvented that we can literally laugh about it. It’s just refreshing to have someone actually tell us what their Take Over The World Plan is and have it not include mass deaths and massive destruction.”